Revisiting failure

Or: Things I need to hear again

I retrieved the following from my Facebook Memories timeline, written two years ago today. Re-reading it, I thought to myself, Hey, this is a good thing to keep remembering.

(from October 18, 2021)

This rejection note came a month ago and I’m re-reading it now as I clean up my inbox.

The truth is, “rejection” isn’t how I see it. Instead, the word “resonance” comes in. This book didn’t resonate with these reviewers, much in the way that high-waisted jeans and vegan cheese don’t resonate with me. This isn’t to say there’s not something of merit in these jeans or in that cheese, or in my book. But the fit and appeal are subjective rather than implicit, or empirical. I can’t take it personally, and neither should the makers of those jeans or the producers of that cheese, that what they and I created isn’t good. It just doesn’t resonate for everyone.

I say all this because I am a big believer in dismantling the myths we might tell about our own lack, or even unworthiness, and rewriting the narrative to reflect the truth of what really IS, absent of humiliation, shame, and self-sabotage that has us not seeing our work and our selves with compassion, acceptance, and - dare I say - celebration. What would we offer up, if the resonance we felt weren’t so intertwined with how our work was received? How would we move in the world, freed from the tether and weight and fear of judgment? How would we see ourselves if we struck the word “failure” from our own lips?